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PC Mailbag The first good network for men, magic eye, Diablo 3, and still more...

The First Good Network for Men Since IGN never published your first good network for men lineup, any chance we could see it here?

-- Aaron

I almost forgot about that. I'm not willing to reformat my list into one of those elaborate tables I did back at IGN (since work of any kind sucks), but I will grant you the opportunity of seeing my rough, incomplete draft of how the final programming lineup was to turn out. Keep in mind I did write this some months ago and have not refined it, ever. So, you're basically seeing a list of shows I'd like on my network at any given time. They're not the organized deal I did for my former employer. And yes, I did mail the twenty free games to the winner of that contest.

My list goes something like: Batman: The Animated Series Superman Conan Cartoon Exo: Squad Sopranos Adult Swim Simpsons Pornography Barefoot infomercial Star Trek: TNG Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Latina Pornography Junkyard Wars Great Chefs of the World Discovery Channel's On the Inside Nova Maximum Exposure World Poker Tour Kill yourself now block featuring: Mantis and Manimal Maclom in the Middle Looney Tunes/Merry Melodies Buffy Angel Brisco County Jr. Jack of All Trades Firefly Black and White By the way, if you don't know what I'm talking about, you'll have to search IGN PC's mail archives around early August to find out.

-- Ivan "Deez Nuts" Sulic

Should've, Would've, Hate You You should've asked John about Trent Reznor. :)

-- Matt

You'd think that because we just started this site, this network, and this mailbag, we might first be flooded with a wealth of legitimate questions about actual gaming, hopefully even PC related. You'd think wrong, very, very wrong. Instead we get, "When you spoke with John Carmack two months ago you should have asked about Trent Reznor." Well, I'll tell you why Darren didn't ask about Trent Reznor, he was too busy playing DOOM and writing a preview, which you can find in CGW's January issue. Also, that scorn you feel is just Jesus frowning at you, Matt.

-- Ivan

Space Motorcycle I agree with Cracker, I am a big Doom fan BUT I also agree with Ivan on many of his opinion. I suppose we'll have to see when the game comes out, Cramack from my understanding has said he did 4 player multiplayer because they weren't aiming for mass fast player death, more to the slower paced search and destroy trying to incorporate their lighting and scare effects into it. I DO think they should add coop play, it has been one of the things I enjoy the most. I played quake2 all the way through in coop, and never finished it in single player. I love to be attacking a group of monsters and see a rocket fly by my face to the guy I was just about to shoot knowing them my teammate was there ready to blast with me. I played some of Halo (boring to me) but I liked it co-op. I also believe they should ad 'space vehicles' some type of motorcycle with a sidecar maybe to blast away, BUT this would take away from the slower scare factor they are going for, thus mods be made. If they give nice tools for users to play with i'm sure vehicles could be added, or we wait for other companys to use their engine. From my point of view the id team has always made their game engines run to the premium on the not-so premium machine without a huge loss in quality. People to this date still use Q3 as a benchmarking tool when it was designed many years ago, I used to run that game with a K62-400 mhz processor and a TNT 16 meg card, it looked alright and ran fine with mass death going all over. I await Doom3 with high hopes. As for game of the Year, I am hoping HL2 or Doom3. Those are the only 2 games I expect to purchase and play. Too many games seem tossed together in my opinion sending me to bordom with only a few hours of gameplay or they are not perfected with too many bugs to where I just don't feel I should support the company to make such junk. For the past 3 years I have only purchased games after playing a Demo of it because I see new games coming out every week, most which were thrown together to earn a quick buck. It seems any software company that can afford a decent engine just buys it up and lets people make games. These are just opinions, but they are my opinions. Make a quality game and people will play it for years. I will catch myself installing quake1 and playing it for a few hours still, hopefully in 7 years i'll do the same with Doom3.

-- Todd

Ah, the space motorcycle. How I too have longed for it. Todd, had your submission not been presented as one enormous piece of legibly challenged kindling I might have had some inclination to respond to it seriously. Instead, I found my eyes pierced by the mass of words you subjected me to until a stunning bit like "space motorcycle with a sidecar" came into view. I liken your letter to a Magic Eye painting. If I stare at the block of text long enough, something neat (space motorcycle) is bound to rise to the surface.

As for your question / comment, since I don't know what the hell it is (having not read it and all) I'll just blindly assume you're wondering, "Which console is better? GeForce or Macintosh?" Everybody wants an answer, Todd. Unfortunately, truth is often not simple. In the case of GeForce versus Macintosh, I have to say, doo-doo-doo, duh-doo, duh-doo-doo-doo.

-- Ivan

El Diablo Returneth How odd...that "Do you really care who this is" was meant to be the name part of this, not Bruce.....meh anyway i actually have a question for you about PC Games this time.

I read somewhere(I think it was GameSpot, sorry i can't provide the link its gone) that Blizzard was currently making a Diablo 3. Now its not on the Blizzard site, but i was just curious, because i think its a fairly stupid move when Starcraft 2 would sell approx. five hundred billion more copies

-- Bruce

What you read, I wrote. It was at IGN, in fact. The "story" (a part of my mailbag) was pulled because it was unconfirmed, despite being common knowledge and rumored by about one hundred and one billion people who were assumed to be "close to the project." So yes, Diablo 3 is in development, but then if just one neuron in the minds of every gamer would fire on time, these obvious mates of money and sequels would be known. Decide for yourself whether or not Blizzard is making Diablo 3, a sequel to two of the best selling games of all time. Do you think the answer is no? Ooh. I think you're wrong.

Talking about process and dismissal, forced to remove all of the articles on the corner... Shelter and my vocation. Everybody wants something... Answers, questions. Mmmm.

-- Ivan

Till Next Time Well folks... This isn't supposed to rhyme, so don't think it is.

I want to tell you a little story that will make you feel warm inside. It's about a guy named Ivan, who just finished standing right outside.

I'm not talking about street whoring s***, I was just standing alone, having a smoke and dreaming about going home. Then something funny happened, and it scared the hell out of me. A girl walking by mistook my yawn as offensive and began to bitch real mean. I said something funny happened and it scared the hell out of me! A thing shuffled by and mistook my yawn as offensive and quickly began to con-front me.

I smiled politely and perplexed, not worried about a thing, but then I saw her weave... Mmmmm... Cat calls were suggested, a simple yawn was my defense. I assumed she didn't believe. Accusations of harassment quickly put me in disbelief.

Indeed I confessed, it was not an innocent yawn she did see, but rather a song I had sang at the sight of her stunning yellow teeth. The offensive fat she drug behind, I did admit, turned me on as her cloven hooves trotted along fulfilling all of my sinful needs. Urged, I leered and jeered, in yawn-like fashion, at her, a fine example of why woman and pig/cow should never be bred without a proper lashin'.

Once mistaken for a tourist -- someone to be pushed by her imposing mass and vengeful demeanor -- I now established myself as her better, a person who was a hell of a lot meaner. Perplexity flowed from me to her like the billows of smoke I blew into her single massive eye. Chipper, I smiled, sight stuck on her enormous thighs. There they swayed, no doubt responsible for thousands of deaths as the result of seemingly innocent lays. End pseudo-rhyme. Wake up.

She stopped, started, and then stopped again, wondering how exactly I, a simple games editor could have been brought to the brink of a murderous, but beautifully calm rage in such a short amount of time. I smiled, nodded, and told the nun exactly where to go.

If you don't know, I tried to mimmick Minor Threat's Look Back and Laugh to some limited extent. Obviously it did not work, but then I'm probably drunk, so what the hell do I care?

-- Ivan "Deez Nuts" Sulic

Hug Me, Hold Me, Mail Me Agree or disagree with the big chump on this page? Let your feelings be known. Write to me and I promise to immediately disregard your submission if it expresses anything less than glowing approval.

The Last Two Mailbags: December 1, 2003 Nobvember 26, 2003

Copyright © 2003 Ziff Davis Media Inc. All Rights Reserved. Originally appearing in 1UP.